How will I keep myself from dying?

In a cold night like this, I miss my mother and father even more. I miss my family. My whole family. I wish I can reach out their hands. I wish I can share with them a warm chatter in the living room, laughters that will echo through the night. I really, really wish they’re here. I can’t pretend that I’m okay, though I know I’m holding on so far. It is just some part of me, the biggest part of me, missing and gone, and I will never get it back. Ever. All I hear in this silence is only own thoughts, my own voice, my own mind, my own…, my own. It’s only me here, stranded at the corner of the ship deck, tremble and breathless. I don’t have future. I only have yesterday. Today is just yesterday plus the next day. Today is just another day of yesterday. Yes, this is my kind of life. My kind of drama. I don’t know how long will I stand. I don’t know how many times will I cry. I guess at the end, it will only be me. Left alone.